Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
