be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
