y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
