I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
