I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!