I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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