From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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