Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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