Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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