So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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