Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
