He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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