did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
