it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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