He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
