When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
