The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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