That's intense
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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