is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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