I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
