Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
