Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
