You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
