That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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