i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
