Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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