i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
