i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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