My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My ass is underappreciated
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
