I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
high people should be assigned attendants
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
