went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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