I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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