I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They took my balls.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize