the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't deserve a penis
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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