Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize