Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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