I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
