the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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