At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll