just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN