Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.

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(215): You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid. (215): While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here. http://tfl.nu/jz3m

Replies (17) Good night (639) Bad night (2450)
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(309): View more from Illinois

Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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(309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile http://tfl.nu/cr7n

Replies (27) Good night (1220) Bad night (2686)
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(214): View more from Texas

don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"

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(214): don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out" http://tfl.nu/bp43

Replies (30) Good night (9355) Bad night (1259)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...

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(724): i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it... http://tfl.nu/6i0l

Replies (12) Good night (1237) Bad night (3823)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

(1-480): View more from Arizona

Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

(480): View more from Arizona

You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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(480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a

Replies (38) Good night (7476) Bad night (789)
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(917): View more from New York City

It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

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(917): It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met. http://tfl.nu/1axf

Replies (21) Good night (4651) Bad night (1246)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

suggestion: become a stripper.

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(774): just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed. (508): suggestion: become a stripper. http://tfl.nu/xaou

Replies (22) Good night (4707) Bad night (1020)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.

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(775): I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question. http://tfl.nu/abym

Replies (7) Good night (2863) Bad night (1049)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.

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(303): Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila. http://tfl.nu/tq95

Replies (8) Good night (2603) Bad night (823)
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(303): View more from Colorado

You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.

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(303): You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them. http://tfl.nu/oqni

Replies (6) Good night (1655) Bad night (2862)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar

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(614): I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar http://tfl.nu/g47h

Replies (7) Good night (1905) Bad night (1257)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

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(575): I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE http://tfl.nu/fcs3

Replies (8) Good night (3983) Bad night (898)
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(607): View more from New York

To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.

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(607): To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan. http://tfl.nu/t4hh

Replies (4) Good night (2135) Bad night (599)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.

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(804): Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one. http://tfl.nu/nql7

Replies (1) Good night (553) Bad night (397)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.

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(484): I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid. http://tfl.nu/c1yp

Replies (2) Good night (438) Bad night (323)

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