Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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