So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.