i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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