I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
