It's Friday. Sex?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
