it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
