As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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