I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
