im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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