i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
