i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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