I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
