please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
