the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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