Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
