Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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