hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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