So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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