So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
