I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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