i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
