he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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