accomplished twins. life is a go
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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