You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
