i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We have started to decorate penises.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
