I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
